Baby Steps in the Process of Making Difference
This post is a response to the lovely Jamie Ridler’s Wishcasting prompt: How do you wish to make a difference? You can find out more about Wishcasting and read all of the other wishes here.
“Before healing others, heal yourself”
I have written about this in the past. The difference that I want to make in this world is to help other survivor’s heal from abuse. I want to be a therapist who can take their hand and guide them through the rough and difficult journey. I want to be the person who can say that she has been there, faced her demons and come out on the other side.
I am not that person today. Today I am a person who is struggling to tell the entire truth to my therapist. Someone who is afraid of taking that extra leap and diving in to the difficult stuff.
Why am I afraid? I am afraid because I am desperately trying to cling to all of the things that once defined me. I know it is time, but I do not want to let go of the person I became in order to protect myself. I am afraid to open up about her, because I know that in doing so she will have to be shifted, changed and reconfigured.
The truth is I have clung on to this negative self for too long. I have used her as a crutch and let her hold me back. I have allowed myself to be defined in a certain way because I was too afraid to let people see the real me. I am sick and tired of being this person. It is incredibly exhausting to continue to be negative and let the bad stuff eat away at you. And so today I am deciding that it is time to start living the life that I truly want. It is time to face the demons head on, shout no to them and leave them behind. It is time that I stop letting the disgusting and vile acts of others define me and start letting my accomplishments and the wonderful things that I have done define me. It is time that I step out of who I think I am and become who I know I can.
I am starting today by emailing my therapist and letting her know about the stuff that I have been holding back.
Today I would like to make a difference by sharing what it is like to be a survivor. By sharing this, I hope that I can build upon my larger wish to become a healer to other survivors.
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Comments
What a wonderful, empowering, healing wish! Telling the nastiest stuff is always the hardest, but that is what your therapist is for – to hear you say the worst and to support you and not think any less of you anyway. As Lexi wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
Posted by: Sulwyn | February 17th, 2010 14:32
yes, i’m learning this myself too.
as lexi wishes for herself, so i wish for her also.
Posted by: alisha | February 17th, 2010 15:28
Lexi! YAY! So brave!!! True heart-centered courage!
What does Anthony De Mello say…that most people want relief when they go to a therapist, not really a cure, because a cure hurts and is hard.
Look at you, going for that cure!
Posted by: Christine (Blisschick) Reed | February 17th, 2010 15:28
As Lexi wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
Posted by: LissaL | February 17th, 2010 15:39
[...] I wasn’t the only one with these thoughts, as Lexi of Ellecubed so eloquently expressed in her post [...]
Posted by: Sara's Virtual Notebook » BodyWisdom: Let It Begin With Me | February 17th, 2010 16:27
What a brave and healing step.
As Lexi wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
Posted by: Rebecca | February 17th, 2010 20:20
i have a similar struggle. as you wish for yourself, I wish for you as well. keep reaching for hope.
Posted by: Courtney | February 17th, 2010 20:26
As Lexi wishes for herself, so I wish for her too!
Posted by: The Fragrant Muse | February 17th, 2010 22:12
A glorious and honorable wish. You are an inspiration. As you wish for yourself, I wish for you also.
Posted by: Sherri | February 17th, 2010 23:09
As Lexi wishes for herself, I wish for her as well.
Posted by: Ginny | February 18th, 2010 05:06
What a big, bold, beautiful wish!
As Elle wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
Posted by: kazari | February 18th, 2010 06:30
I wish for your healing as well.
love.
Posted by: pixiemama | February 18th, 2010 07:52
As Lexi wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
Posted by: Lucy | February 18th, 2010 08:45
As Lexi wishes for herself, so I wish for her also. I hear what you are saying and you wish you all the encouragement you need to open up and let the past go, something I strive for also. May it be so.
Posted by: Karend | February 18th, 2010 13:16
You go, Lexi! As Lexi wishes for herself, I wish for her also.
Posted by: Cindy | February 19th, 2010 02:27
What a powerful wish and a powerful post.
Courage be with you and may you achieve all you seek!
Posted by: Bev | February 19th, 2010 18:43
As Lexi wishes for herself, so do I wish for her also!!!
(And apologies for being so slow to add myself to the wishers!)
Posted by: Sara @Soulspackle | February 20th, 2010 18:47
I’m thrilled to hear this, Lexi, and I’m SO proud of you. xoxo
Posted by: Carolyn | February 22nd, 2010 17:49